R'Kok: Spirituality was a mistake

My dear Earth friends,

This is R'Kok speaking. I feel honored and grateful that I am once again able to communicate with you.

So: spirituality was a mistake.

That was today's message. Have a good week.

Okay, let's be a bit more serious.

For a while now I've been at that stage where I am going through my healing and integration processes.

And let me tell you, it sucks. Life was much easier and more fun back when I hadn't started my spiritual journey yet, but had already become a member of the galactic confederation. If I still was that person, I wouldn't feel the constant need to face painful memories and emotions. I wouldn't feel the need to do service and volunteer work for the benefit of others (currently, mostly for the benefit of Earth people). If I was still that person, I just could suppress my painful thoughts and emotions and feelings of guilt, through sex and pleasure and food and intellectual pursuits and through blaming others. 

Blaming others used to be my favorite way of dealing with negative emotions.

I could be spending my days having threesomes. Instead I'm spending my days advising how to best help the people of Earth. I'm accepting face-to-face meeting requests from individuals whose lives I ruined before I joined the galactic confederation, in order to hopefully give them a bit of closure. 

And I'm spending my days sorting through the broken pieces of my younger years.

But the thing is, now that I've started this spiritual process, I feel trapped. Now I feel that I can't go back. Sometimes I wish I could go back to a life consisting of sex and distractions and rationality and blaming others, but it's too late now. Now that feels hollow.

I sort of feel that I should be saying that I'm focusing on being a better man, on helping others, on atoning for my crimes. 

But the truth is, although I am accepting meeting requests from individuals whose families I tore apart, although I am advising on how to best help the people of Earth... currently I'm mostly concerned with my own pain. 

I can't handle also taking in the full enormity of what I've done. Just the thought of fully taking that in seems like it would obliterate me.

And yet, once I started this spiritual path, everything except focusing on spirituality and my own healing, everything except helping others began to seem hollow and not worth doing. 

The way forward on this spiritual path is pain, but the way backwards is gray and meaningless. And if those are my choices, I'd rather choose pain.

At least it's meaningful pain.

Do you think I'm a jerk, because at this time, I'm mostly concerned with my own pain?

Well, maybe I am a jerk.

And by the way, don't be too quick to say that I'm such an great guy. If you had been born in another place, in another time, you would know me as that monster whose secret police tortured your husband or daughter to death. Then you likely would not be so eager to compliment me.

If you're ever able to travel the galaxy, tell my victims what a wonderful person I am.

They'll be able to help you get rid of any illusions you might have about me.

Tell the man whose wife I kidnapped, repeatedly raped and eventually ate that I'm such a good person.

But let's get back to the main topic. I was describing that being asleep is pretty comfortable, on a surface level, in the short term. While going through a spiritual journey of healing and integration can initially be very painful. And that is something that many, MANY people on Earth subconsciously understand. Including the sleepers, but also including some people who consider themselves spiritual and who actively do spiritual practice.

Now, if you strip it down, the basic spiritual techniques are really simple. Anyone can do it. There are a million options, but one possibility is just: every day, sit down, close your eyes, breathe deeply and slowly, and breathe out slightly longer than you're breathing in. And also, if so-called negative thoughts or emotions come up, observe them. That's it. In essence, it's really easy. Anyone can sit down, close their eyes and breathe. Anyone can observe their thoughts and emotions.

However. HOWEVER. Most Earth people understand a few things deep down:

One: observing your pain is really painful. It hurts.

Two: the path of observing or otherwise dealing with your pain isn't just really painful, it's also long.

Three: developing awareness and compassion and unity consciousness means that you can't retreat into a comfortable and pleasurable narcissistic bubble anymore. You can't blame others anymore, you can't point fingers anymore. You'll feel obligated to spend less time doing things you like and more time on helping others or on personal growth.

Four: on Earth it can be very lonely to be serious about spirituality, especially if you don't go along with mainstream spirituality and all its cliches and types of performative spirituality. Other people may think you're weird or insane. You may not feel like you have a lot in common with the people you share a planet with.

Five: seriously embarking on the spiritual path is almost like burning the bridge you just crossed, in the sense that once you have walked the spiritual path for a few years, ordinary life starts to feel sort of meaningless. Once you seriously start with spirituality, it's hard to unburn that bridge and return to a previously-comfortable slumber. Maybe eventually your spiritual journey will lead back to a place where the small things in life do become meaningful and joyful again, but that's not what it seems like during a particular part of your spiritual journey.

And that is part of why most people haven't even begun their spiritual journey, and why some spiritual people aren't as advanced as they would like to be. (Although to be fair, lots of spiritual people are genuinely doing great work and are doing everything properly, they aren't as far along as they would like because it's just a long and hard road, and because life on Earth is just very tough). 

Some spiritual people meet their needs and do their regular spiritual practice, which is great and which is two thirds of what is required. But then they just suppress or deny or judge their so-called negative emotions or their so-called negative thoughts.

That said, I know that a lot of you out there aren't suppressing or denying or judging your so-called negative emotions and negative thoughts, and are instead dealing properly with them, for example by observing them. You have my respect. It's a long and painful and seemingly unrewarding road, isn't it? I've been told that it gets better, but yes, right now it sucks.

And that's why a lot of sleepers sleep, and why some spiritual people just suppress their so-called negative thoughts and emotions and then don't make as much progress as they would like. The road of actually properly dealing with your so-called negative thoughts and emotions can be long and painful.

Yes, being fully enlightened is amazing, however being asleep is much more comfortable in the short term than properly dealing with your so-called negative thoughts and emotions, whether that's by observing them or something else.

You can think of it as: normal Earth consciousness is like being overweight, sitting on the couch, watching tv and eating chips. It's not what is best for you, but it is comfortable in the short term. Doing spiritual practice and properly dealing with your so-called negative thoughts and emotions. is like going to the gym regularly and losing weight. Full enlightenment is like having a fit, healthy body.

Yes, everyone wants a fit body, but not that many people are really willing to put in the consistent effort to get there. 

Even the people who identify that having a fit body is something they want -- even spiritual people who want to grow spiritually -- will sometimes still just suppress or deny or judge their so-called negative thoughts and emotions. Because dealing properly with them can be a long and painful road.

So, spirituality was a mistake.

But maybe I will someday have a spiritual six-pack regardless. I do want to put in the work, long and painful as that road may be.

Maybe someday you will have a spiritual six-pack, too.

R'Kok